In my misspent youth, I was quite the whiz with video games. “My” game was Missile Command (kids, ask your parents, they’ll remember it), but I was pretty slick with the home ColecoVision, too. So video games are a piece of cake. Or so I thought.

Back on my birthday anniversary, my wife gave me the Playstation2 game, 24: The Game. We finally got around to buying a used Playstation2, so I’ve been playing the game.

Good lord, I’m old.

Like I said, I was good with these things back in the seventies and eighties, but things have changed a good bit. In the first place the controller has something like six hundred and fifty buttons on it, all assigned at least three different functions…and who’s idea was it to put on two joysticks, for pete’s sake? These things were not made for a fifty-year-old, trust me.

24: The Game is a season of the TV series wrapped up in a game; it takes place between seasons two and three (the break that ticked off 24 fans everywhere, since they ignored the season two cliffhanger), and is meant to explain many of the plot jumps between those “days” in Jack Bauer’s life.

So in playing the game, the player is Federal Agent Jack Bauer. In my case, at least as long as Jack can stay alive.

Seriously. I have managed to get Jack killed so many different ways I’m expecting a phone call from Kiefer Sutherland any minute telling me to knock it the hell off already. And in my case, Jack’s driving skills are…er…well, let’s just say you don’t want to be a pedestrian in the virtual Los Angeles. Even when I’m supposed to run into something, I have trouble; when I’m not, for some reason, I have no trouble at all running into people, trees, or buildings. How does a sixteen-year-old managed to split the two halves of his brain, using one joystick for steering and the other for acceleration/breaking? This is quite literally the gaming world’s version of patting your head and rubbing your tummy.

On the other hand, some of the puzzle-solving in the game is embarrassingly-simple for someone of an advanced age, yet appears to be difficult for the kid-set. (One of the suggestions I saw on the Net for one of the simpler puzzles was, “get a pencil and write down…” Made me chuckle.) But getting to the puzzles requires completing the other missions, designed for the reflexes of a far younger gameplayer.

All that said, I have to admit I’m having the time of my life with this thing. At the push of a button, I can have that well-known character shout, “Federal Agent! Take Cover!” And for the fanboy inside the old man, that’s more satisfying than you can imagine.