Life is filled with little annoyances, and someone as cranky as I am can’t keep silent about ‘em. But since these are small enough that they can’t justify posts of their own, I’m going to gather then together and occasionally post a bunch.

Jimmy Dean: I was ticked off at them before, for firing their founder as their spokesman (c’mon, guys, who can possibly sell Jimmy Dean better than…Jimmy Dean?), but now they really have me hot. I decided the other day to grab a quick breakfast sandwich the other day, and picked up a two-pack of Jimmy Dean’s frozen muffin-egg-bacon. When I got home, however, the first instruction is, “Thaw sandwich completely.” Yeah, right…before I microwave the thing for 65 seconds, I’m going to let it sit on the counter for five hours or so to thaw. Next time, I buy Great Starts.

The FDA: I’ve really despised the FDA’s cozy relationship with the drug companies ever since they decided to make a specific company more money by re-regulating the long-generic extended-release guaifenesin so that the pills that used to cost literally pennies per dose are now over a dollar and only available from one price-gouging company (they say it was to insure quality…sure it was!), but they’ve past being anti-consumer and have become just plain stupid. There’s a commercial out for a non-narcotic sleep aid which, as required by the FDA, alerts consumers that a side effect of the pill is…drowsiness. Someone want to explain to the FDA that that ain’t a side-effect, but the d*mned point?

Graco: I truly hate companies that treat the consumer like an idiot…while I don’t deny that some of ‘em are, most of us are smarter in most cases than the engineers who design the products we buy. Case-in-point: Graco made what I thought to be a nifty little turbobooster seat for my daughter; thing has cupholders and everything. Problem is, she put some small objects in one of the cupholders, and I moved the seat to another car - this caused the items to fall into the hollow of the seat itself. Now I know, you’re thinking, “Well, heck, just remove the screws, take the halves apart, and remove the objects.” Good idea…except Graco, in a titanic act of hubris telling us that we as consumers aren’t smart enough to put it back together properly, used security screws to assemble the chair, so it’s impossible to get the seat apart to remove the objects. Ok, not impossible; my plan is, once the Peanut is no longer legally required to ride in the booster seat, to use a reciprocating saw to not only remove the objects, but vent my frustration on a company that has so little respect for its customers.

PETA: I tend to hate extremists of any flavor; right, left, or in this case, just plain wacko. The whole idea of the President pardoning a Thanksgiving turkey is a little silly, and is of course meant to be, but PETA is there to take it from silly to absurd. Seems because of this tiny group, this year’s turkeys (the honoree and his backup, should he be unable for any reason to perform his duties) were flown First Class by United Airlines to Disneyland, because the kiddie park in Virginia these turkeys (in this case the birds, not PETA) are usually shipped to doesn’t give them, not making this up, enough “mental stimulation.” Apparently these turkeys (yeah, PETA this time) don’t have enough to do fighting legitimate cases of animal cruelty, and need to find some way to completely marginalize themselves, make themselves look like such idiots that the mainstream in this country won’t take anything they say seriously. I can understand the Administration caving into them (write your own joke about politicians and special interest groups, I’m not in the mood), but those of us not so far out there we’ve intellectually passed Pluto (the planet, not the dog) are looking at the whole thing with disgust. I fully expect to be boycotted by these knuckleheads because I don’t give my cat enough “mental stimulation,” instead wasting all that time on the (to them) insignificant human child in the household - ah, well, at least the feline will get to eat his fill of murdered, cooked, and delicious bird flesh tomorrow along with the rest of us. And believe me..when I fry up the heart and liver in a small cast-iron pan with butter and salt, I’ll be thinking of them with each delicious sizzle.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the United States; to those in Canada, you’ve already had yours.