Ah, out with the old, in with the new. The television season is dead, long live the next television season. And to prepare for it, I’m going to review new shows as the pilots become available.

LAX; NBC, Monday Nights 10:00 pm

Will someone please stop giving Heather Locklear television shows?

This show opens with the suicide of Emmit Champion, director of California International Airport (we assume with the renaming from HUB that this will be changed to LAX) committing suicide by standing in front of a landing 747. And by the end of this hour, you’ll envy his early exit. Two folks are up to take his place; Harley Random (Locklear), the plucky (yeah, I know she’s long past plucky, but she hasn’t figured it out yet) Airfield Chief, and Roger (Blair Underwood, City of Angels who’s character doesn’t seem to have a definitive last name yet), the Terminal Manager. Of course the decision will be a political one, and of course these two will battle for the job, and of course they will end up co-operating the airport, if not co-operating with each other.

Only problem is, they place anyone who flies on any aircraft into or out of that airport at risk. Folks don’t have to worry about terrorists with these two battling it out.

And while they’re slugging, others are dealing with a set of drunken Serbian pilots, a dog running around the airport grounds at will, a visa-less alien waiting to marry someone, the Governor’s inbound flight, and, oh yes, the obligatory bomb threat. We even have the pluck-at-the-heart-strings “Orphan Plane” to end the hour, where everyone who’s had a lousy day gathers to see the wonderfulness of happy people who don’t have to deal with these idiots.

Anyone who spends any time in any airport is going to despise this show. Anyone who doesn’t spend time in airports is going to be frightened to spend any time in airports. And after watching this, no one is going to ever want to actually get on an airplane again.

And, frankly, I just don’t get why they keep giving Heather Locklear shows to screw up. I wasn’t impressed by her abilities way back when she could almost get away with her tough-yet-vulnerable ingenue routine…now it’s just a little embarrassing. And what the hell was Blair Underwood thinking? He’s a much better actor than this nonsense. As one of the few who thought City of Angels was one helluva show, watching him in this is almost physically painful.

There’s no competition here, not even for CSI: Lite. Skip it, and save the hour.